What’s Rick Lawton been up to?

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Neglecting a grocery list and buying what he has deemed as necessities ^ he was sent to get "beach snacks for the afternoon" and comes home with two boxes of pre-cooked bacon and a quarter pound of roasted garlic marinated in olive oil … [Read more...]

Your Mother, who wants grandchildren, on the phone with you before a date or You Spin Instructor:

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1. "Can you feel the sweat?" 2. "Please leave all your worries, insecurities, traumas, and negativities outside...please." 3. "If you have to puke, then puke. But keep going.'" 4. "SHOULDERS DOWN AND BACK. CHEST OUT."5. "Brace like you're about to get punched in the stomach." 6. "Feel your heart pumping! THAT'S THE GOOD … [Read more...]

Dating: A Gritty Means to a Somewhat Grittier End

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To help the cause, here's a city-wide cheat guide when you're stuck having to plan the date So you've matched on an app, stomached some small talk, and one of you drops the incredibly exposing "We should get a drink sometime." The conversation survives without an immediate ghost, and then comes the, "Where do you want to go?"  The spot … [Read more...]

I’ll Take Your Strange Family Vacation & Raise You

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48 hours, three historical sights, and a dozen birds of prey This past April, my parents gave me the reins and complete autonomy to plan a 48-hour trip somewhere on the east coast to do in lieu of Easter...*everyone in the audience is thinking, "they should've known better"*. I'm sure while they had no idea what was coming, they probably … [Read more...]

“Weird Things I’ve Found In New York City Apartments”

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The Working Title for My Memoir My dad has four brothers - are all varying degrees of eccentric and have each done strange things to their homes. Like my father, who planted a massive palm tree in front of our house in Cape Cod and then tried to winterize it but instead made a 25-foot phallic structure. Or one if my uncles who had a full … [Read more...]