Why Our Bagels Are Incredible and How We Became the Bagel Mecca ^ nothing to reinforce your rapidly declining metabolism like ordering extra cream cheese on your bagel When I was in my early 20s and an unscrupulous heathen when it came to regard for my general health, I'd end a night out with a bevy of cheese-laden gastrointestinal bombs. … [Read more...]

The Worst Year in History to Be Alive Teaser: It does not fall between 2020-2023 ^ New Yorkers out vaping while on a Starbucks run during the recent Smog-pocolypse A few weeks ago as I ascended out of the depths of the West 4th Street station, I found myself exiting onto a 6th Avenue that resembled the set of Blade Runner, a scene … [Read more...]

Dad: *doesn't want cat* Family: *gets cat anyway* Dad and the cat: Millennials do this strange thing where we post verbose and heartfelt tributes on social media deifying our parents on their respective parent celebration day even though 80% of them don't have the platform they're being paraded on. For the few who do, an alarming amount … [Read more...]

The Inevitable Section About Local Birds When first dating someone, there are some questions you should ask to help gage compatibility and also vet who you're dealing with as a person. There are fairly innocuous ones, like are you an early bird or night owl. And then of course, you have the deep cuts, like do you want a family, do you believe … [Read more...]

A Cornucopia of Obscure Facts for Awkward Silences Seeing my life is presently still in the "martinis and gowns" phase, I cannot speak to the avenues adults are utilizing to subconsciously seep questionably useful knowledge into the minds of the youths. I implore you to time travel back to Ye Olden early 1990s, humanity's final moments before … [Read more...]