We hunt virtual Pokémon.

Every so often when my head is in the clouds and I get mildly existential, I wonder what this decade will be remembered for. As a kid born in the 80’s (*late 80s), the 90s were a golden period of time that will never be touched, replicated or glorified enough. Fast forward to the 2000s, and society was graced with 10 years of CSI Miami; sober dancing in school gyms to the “Cotton Eye Joe” and “The Hamster Dance”; puka shell necklaces paired with anything from that sweatshop known as Abercrombie; the Satanic birth of Nickleback; those yellow Livestrong rubber bracelets that were harder to get than a Hamilton ticket and ended up being a bigger disappointment than our Beanie Baby net wealth; the royal ancestors of the Kardashian’s, the Osbourne’s; the experience of excruciating Guantanamo-Bay-level torture of listening to Shaggy’s “It wasn’t me” with our parents in the car while they sang along…the whole decade can be summed up into every photo of

Paris Hilton featured here.

So back to the present, quickly skipping over the paranoia of terrorism and similar sentiment about the NSA, the 2010’s have proven to be more than just a surprise delayed hangover of the 90s; we will be remembered as the decade of women in Yoga Pants and men with Man Buns; the painfully awkward phase of Ben Affleck’s acting career where he wouldn’t stop making horrible superhero movies; the test case generation for what cross-fit does to your joints; most people avoiding real life by living vicariously through Game of Thrones and Kylie Jenner’s snapchat; Leonardo DiCaprio finally winning a goddamn Oscar; that year everyone blacked out and woke up remembering they willingly listened to “Gangnam Style”; and chivalry dissolving into some pitiful muck known as Netflix n’ Chill.

But essentially we are the generation that brought the Muppet Eye Brows to life

However a few weeks ago, a movement that rocked the foundation of our mere mortal fibers may render all the aforementioned null. No, I’m not talking about the crop top that Gigi Hadid wore outside when she *may* have gotten in a car with Zayn (yes, Dad, thats a human’s name). Pokémon Go has single handedly done more damage to society than the entire Kardashian family has done to realistic expectations of the female anatomy. In case you’ve been reading articles more pertinent to international security and whatnot, below is a recap of the almostlaughable madness of Pokémon Nope:

Pokémon Go lead 11 teens right into an armed robbery. Here

NY Man totals car while playing Pokémon Go. Here

Watch hundreds of hunters stampede Central Park over a rare Pokémon. Here

Pokémon Go poses a huge privacy threat to all hunters (no one cares). Here

Pokémon Go catches cheating boyfriend. Here

The NYPD has been issuing much needed safety guides for the public. Here

This man is a Pokémon Go Chauffeur. Here

The company is basically making a Pokémon Go dating app. Here

And from the brilliant masterminds at McSweeney’s:

A CIA Memo RE: Pokémon Go. Here

Anthony Bourdain, Pokémon Go Master. Here

I’m an optimist and I think that there are ways to use Pokémon for good, besidesgetting stuck in trees. A Hallmark idea – throw a bunch of rare Pokémon in polling sites across the country. Get a Mew and Mewtwo (scouts honor, I had to google those) in a voting center and then try and complain about voter turnout.

Lawton for President, 2020.