Rooftop cottages: a subtle and humble way to flaunt wealth
a
Levels of XBOX 360’s new sadistic video game, “New York City Resident”
1 – You start off the game squatting on your friend’s futon in Bushwick.
2 -Land your own room with a Craigslist sublet situation; bonus points if you don’t get murdered or permanently emotionally scarred during this level.
3 – Scramble up enough money to actually afford the upfront to be a lease holder. Catch: you have a room with no windows and a fake wall separating you from the kitchen/living/dining/entrance room space.
4 – Upgrade to an apartment where your bedroom has a window that receives actual sun light and you have a dishwasher. Catch: your “super’s cell” is really the number to a Qdoba in Queens.
5 – Finally you afford your own 350 ft² apartment. Pill you must swallow: For said-studio, you pay $2,495 a month and the 80 year old in the iron lung across the hall who has been in her lofty two bed since 1950 pays $200.
6 – You sell your soul and enter a committed, acceptable-level-of-dysfunctional-relationship. You pen yourselves up in 500 ft² together and justify all your disagreements with the fact that you now jointly afford a washer and dryer in unit.
7 – You have homemade egg salad for lunch for 4 years straight and sacrifice all life luxuries to afford the up front required to purchase an apartment. Surprise: that robust burst of adulthood gives you the idea to create a baby.
8 – If you survive the first year of raising a human and resist suburbia, the Stroller-lands of Brooklyn welcome you open armed into a world of more affordable two bed apartments.
9 – Come out on top with that investment in that online bookstore known as Amazon? Easy: construct an actual seaside summer home on top of your full floor duplex so you can look down upon all of the peasants.
10 – Only accessible by Illuminati-employed hackers: remember when you were 10 and playing the Sims and you used the Rosebud cheat to build that insane palace?Yep, that’s yours.
My obsession with the insane rooftop cottage at 13th and 2nd took a sour turn as it tragically lit on fire apparently days before it’s closing for a whopping $4.5m (reasons you never bank on commission until the check is in your hand). That unrealistic infatuation has come back strong; now with the penthouse unit at 72 East 1st Street. Coming in at 2,736 ft² plus an additional massive roof, this 4 bed, 3.5 bath condo features two wood burning fireplaces and impressively low monthlies all for a cool $3,500,000.
**Mom, how many Beanie Babies do we have in the attic
^JUST A CASUAL TRIPLEX.