Go farther upstate than the UES

By

111111

Your bougie exit strategy to the back woods.  

I love New York City – you can get ripe avocados from either one of the two bodegas on every block, there’s always someone a bit stranger than yourself within a five foot radius, and it’s actually impossible to get bored no matter how raging your ADHD is. But growing up, my parents were big proponents of spending time outside, which was awesome because thick woods surrounded my childhood home. I spent the majority of my formative years building tree forts, trying to capture goose eggs to live out ‘Fly Away Home’, running around my neighbors’ yards in a Pocahontas costume, and playing Russian roulette with West Nile Virus.  I desperately miss the forest and am half tempted to escape to the back woods to pen my Mermaid fan fiction tween series. Investors eager to jump on this guaranteed literary success, please see below as to where to invest:

Introducing Hudson Woods – a forested escape set on 131 acres of deeps woods in the Hudson River Valley, only two hours from the concrete jungle. One can invest in a 2,800-square-foot cabin designed by Lang Architecture with prices starting at $765,000.  After competition this year, the entire project will boast 26 energy efficient homes, with unique features such as wood-burning stoves, outdoor cooking, greenhouses and tree houses. Interiors will feature mahogany windows, white oak flooring, and Smeg appliances. Outdoor detailing will include a wrap around deck, private pool (not Kiddy), and optional (with a higher price tag) garage/studio area.
I’m going to request that one of you purchases a cabin and not only will I broker the deal, but I will also volunteer my services as breakfast sous chef in exchange for lodging.
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