Go Upstate, Young (Wo)men!

Five hikes to hit outside of the five boroughs

When describing New York City, “serene”, “outdoorsy”, “remote”, and “green” aren’t the first words that come to mind.

The most “serene” environment you will find in NYC is Chipotle, which anyone who has peeked at the news in the past year is avoiding like it’s the site of the failed Chernobyl nuclear reactor. Looking for “outdoorsy”? Head to the rooftop of the DL where they have so many plants and cacophonous individuals who dance solely by flailing their arms that, with a quick shot of imagination, you’ll be transported to a treetop canopy surrounded by angry seagulls. “Remote” may be unachievable from a pure numbers standpoint, but following that hiatus the L train is taking in 2019, Bedford Ave and N 7th Street may be a good bet. The closest thing NYC gets to “green” is the amount of cold pressed celery (and other glorified grasses) basic girls stomach in an act of pure dietary masochism with the hopes that it’s a Polyjuice Potion and their patterned spandex will shed to revel a Gigi Hadid clone. Hence, a tranquil back woods experience isn’t a corner bodega away.

However, there’s hope for all of you adventurous enough to leave your borough in search for exploits a bit more granola than a trance warehouse party in Brooklyn. See below for five beautiful hikes that all warrant a weekend excursion upstate, where I assure you the drinks are cheaper, expectations are lower, beards are longer, and where your Instagram will get at least 10x more likes.