I’ll Take Your Strange Family Vacation & Raise You

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48 hours, three historical sights, and a dozen birds of prey

This past April, my parents gave me the reins and complete autonomy to plan a 48-hour trip somewhere on the east coast to do in lieu of Easter…*everyone in the audience is thinking, “they should’ve known better”*. I’m sure while they had no idea what was coming, they probably had an inkling it would a) not be relaxing b) take them to at least one obscure historical site c) be overly ambitious and difficult to execute. 

So for all of you travelers out there, here is exactly how to travel through every part of Virginia, hit two President’s homes, visit the mash up of Stonehenge and the White house, and go to a falconry in exactly two days:

Stop #1: Mount Vernon, George Washington’s home.
Because I have a self-diagnosed Founding Father Fetish and adore Georgie, I was in heaven imagining everyone who had previously walked the expansive grounds and all that had occurred on the property. While the house is modest for the most famous man in our nation’s history, the setting along the Potomac is incredibly calm and bucolic, says the girl who was three Americanos deep, completely overwhelmed, and riding my parents last nerves.  In case anyone was curious, yes, I blacked out in the gift store and spent over $150.
Stop #2: A random backyard in a small town outside Williamsburg. So last winter one of my best friends Jules and I went on a road trip to Virginia, solely to see massive busts of all of the President’s Heads in the deep-set backyard of a farm-slash-gravel mill. Since then, I became very good friends with the owner of the farm so naturally if in Virginia, why not return to this obscure property. This muddy lawn with 25-foot busts of every President up until Bush Jr. will always remain one of my favorite places in the country. All of the heads are in varying degrees of decay, lined up in rows (with the owners least favorite Presidents in the back and his top three – Washington, Lincoln, and Monroe – poignantly out in front), and have a serene eeriness to them, as they are flanked on all sides by towering mountains of gravel.
Stop #3: Monticello, Thomas Jefferson’s home. After spending the night in Williamsburg, we were off again at a spicy 7:30am because we had 2 hours to make it to our 10am – you guessed it – tour of Thomas Jefferson’s Monticello.  My parents are actual saints. The opposite of Mount Vernon’s rolling greens with the convenient riverside location, Monticello is literally on top of a steep, precarious, and fairly remote mountain. Truly, what made Jefferson be like, “you know what…this should be really fun to take carriages up and down. And since I’m in Boston, Philadelphia, and Paris so much, let’s make this in an inaccessible part of the state.” Aside from the excessiveness of it all, the property is breathtaking, between the expansive libraries, the grandeur in every last detail, and the stunning vistas of the Blue Ridge Mountains.
Stop #4: Raptor Hill Falconry in the Blue Ridge Mountains.  Like a possessed colonial woman, I had to tear my parents out of the gift shop at Monticello so we would make our last stop in time – a private falconry experience deep in the Blue Ridge Mountains. Nothing to spurn family bonding like a solid 2-3 hour scenic tour through the most isolated parts of Virginia, playing iSpy with Confederate flags dotting the landscapes, ominously reminiscent to the opening scenes from The Hills Have Eyes. After finally reaching Raptor Hill Falconry, we were literally immersed in nothing but birds of prey for a solid three hours. Of all the exotic animals I want to domesticate, owls are my easy #1 choice, specifically the falconry’s Eurasian Eagle Owl. We played mainly with falcons and owls, doing basic catch and release while having them eat skinned pieces of mouse carcass off of our arms. The perfect end to a beautiful family vacation.

So guess who’s never allowed to plan literally anything for the family again?