In comparison, we’re all Paula Dean on her Cheat Day.
I’m praying this is a stunt double who I will find and marry.
If you somehow avoided contracting a life time’s worth of self-loathing after reading the fascinating article about Demi-God Tom Brady’s diet, indulge and accept the cloud of shame. The Man’s regimen: no white sugar, no white flour, no MSG, the only oil allowed is coconut oil, the only sodium allowed is Himalayan Pink Salt, no coffee, no caffeine, no fungus, no dairy, no nightshade vegetables (in case you need a brush-up, this means tomatoes, peppers, mushrooms and onions), and no fruit. Tom’s cheat days allow for a banana, an avocado and few slices of tomato. My cheat day line up looks something like an entire greasy rotisserie chicken, cold cheese slice, Taqueria Diana’s nachos, and microwaving wheels of brie. Tom pops into the garden to sneak a cherry tomato and I’m a human garbage disposal. Acceptance is the first step to recovery. To help myself feel like less a toxic bomb, since misery loves company, below are my favorite places for you to hit before you have to start publicly showing skin again.
CHALAIT‘s Cauliflower and Quinoa Bowl – Cauliflower, Quinoa, Butternut Squash, Black Beans, Red Onions, Tomato, Arugula, Chives, Cilantro, Avocado, Fried Egg and Sriracha Tahini Dressing.
Harry and Ida’s Pop’s Pastrami – 1/4 lb. of Pastrami loaded with with Buttermilk fermented cucumber, Caraway cracked rye bread, anchovy mustard and dill
Turntable Chicken Jazz’s Korean fried chicken with Spicy or Soy Garlic Sauce – superior to American Chicken Fingers because the sauce is lightly brushed on only after the chicken is cooked, the meat remains juicy because the bird is cooked at a lower temperature than its American brethren, and the chicken is dipped in a very finely ground flour so the shell is paper-thin and crispy as hell. #feelings
High Street on Hudson‘s The Forager breakfast sandwich – Seared Nebrodini mushroom, braised kale, farm egg, Swiss, and black-trumpet mayo on some ridiculous looking bread.
Seamore’s Fried fish tacos – Crispy Dogfish Tacos with cabbage, guacamole, and chipotle mayo. Pay extra for more guacamole. And poke. And calamari.
Sadelle’s Leo – A fluffy caramelized onion omelette topped with house smoked salmon and drizzled with creme fraiche. That Lox, though.