God: You do know there’s more constructive goals you could be chasing…
Halloween Costumes I Already Have Hanging In My Closet
- A disgruntled bridesmaid
- A poorman’s Carrie Bradshaw
- An almost-sexy Brawny Paper Towel man
- An androgynous CVS sales associate
- My father in 1976
- Lady Gaga and Elton John’s Love Child
- A young colonial boy, eager to serve & ready to die for his country if necessary
- Britney Spears in the midst of her 2007 mental breakdown
- Leonardo DiCaprio’s character in The Revenant but make it fashion
- A southern who for her first winter in the Northeast based her survival wardrobe off the characters from Whoville
- Justin Timberlake’s denim tuxedo but Chambray
- My father in 1986
- A Norwegian cleaning woman
- The crop top version of the The Handmaid’s Tale outfits
- Exactly what I wore for my fourth grade school picture in ’98
- A menstrual Charles Manson
I get extremely stressed out during Halloween because of the overwhelming possibilities coupled with the fact that I can’t dress up everyday of October. Most people feel differently because they’ve accepted adulthood and that’s fine, however behold a real anxiety-inducing situation for many. While there are unlimited options in New York, situational dining can be stressful for the individual tasked with picking the place. So to help out, here’s a variety of recommendations for those instances where the success of the evening rests solely upon you:
Situation: A group of 8 of you wants to do brunch tomorrow but you don’t have a reservation…the fear of hanger-blackout-yelling at your friends, or at innocent people who get seated before you is enough to cause panic.
Solution: My recommendation would be to make sure all 8 of you get to Kiki’s exactly at 12pm (no later or the plan is ruined); because they don’t take reservations, they’ll seat your whole group and the brunch is incredible. Second options: Lafayette or Esperanto.
Situation: Your parents are in town and their culinary comfort zone exists somewhere between TGIFridays and Olive Garden – so you don’t want to shock them but you want to push their palettes.
Solution: You have options: head over to Rubirosa for some of the best pizza in NYC, Loring Place for an outstanding meal at every level of adventurousness, or Upland for a total treat.
Situation: You and a friend want to have a laid back dinner but immediately after are looking to make a night of it, minimal walking involved #heels.
Solution: The Flower Shop is the perfect spot to grab a quality bite then either hit the bar upstairs or the sprawling bar in the basement for what becomes a pretty lively scene 7 days of the week.
Situation: You need a place for a birthday dinner that accommodates large groups, is fancy enough for a celebration, but won’t put everyone $200 in the hole.
Solution:Tijuana Picnic has strong margs and gets rowdy post-11pm, Llama Inn is a bit more grown up but the food is top notch, and Quality Eats is tried and true with greats bars close by.
Situation: First romantic, *serious* dinner because while you’re avoiding acknowledging that you’re officially dating, you would like to show that you care but without dropping $400.
Solution: Because this list could go on forever, here’s a handful to get you started: Oxomoco, Claro, Five Leaves, Crown Shy, Babs, Wayla, Sushi by Bae, Wildair, The Four Horsemen, Fedora, Karasu, abcV, and Lilia.
Situation: Someone asks you to get drinks and you’re not sure if it’s a date or a friendly hangout and to be honest, you don’t know what you want it to be either.
Solution: Swift Hibernian Lounge can swing between “casual Irish bar” and “date spot with liveliness but you can still hear each other.” If you’re not feeling it, you’re saved from awkward goodbyes by the busy Bowery. If it’s going great, head to The Wren for a more intimate setting.
Situation: When you’re sick of every lunch/brunch place that is infiltrated by people who in their own minds (and their own minds only) are influencers so you need a new spot that hasn’t been ruined.
Solution: Stray from the herds that go to Egg Shop and try these *trendy*, aesthetically gorgeous spots: Floret, The Jones, Hunky Dory, and Studio.