*Looks at Keys to Their New Apartment Wistfully*“…So Now What Do I Do?”
(left) leaving your lease signing/closing, the proud new resident of your home
*one month later*
(right) you forgot to set up coned, spectrum still hasn’t showed up, you’ve had to call a locksmith twice
Times in my life that “fake it til you make it” hasn’t worked out for me:
1. The time my dad put me in golf camp knowing I had the hand-eye coordination of Hellen Keller and told me if I focused, just pretended to know what I was doing, I’d be a natural. That went as well as anyone could’ve predicted; a week later, I was sent back to theater camp where I belonged.
2. The three times I failed my driving test after being told (again, by my dad), just imagine it’s like a video game but real life. When you have a disposition for speeding and poor eye sight beyond 10 feet, MarioKart skills don’t elevate you above the barrier for entry as required by the Massachusetts DMV.
3. The first time I babysat at night and had to perform a successful bedtime routine like a real parent. When the traditional “go to sleep” didn’t work, I told them the blood-thirsty witches in the woods behind their house were going follow their giggling, crawl through their windows, and murder them if they didn’t stay quiet and under their covers. It worked but I ruined 3 childhoods that evening.
During leases signings and closings, I sometimes look across the table at the renter or purchaser – bright eyed and bushy tailed, full of elation for their blank canvas of a new home and think to myself, “…they just…have no idea what they’re going to do after they get their keys.” I’ll try to gauge by asking if they’ve forwarded their mail yet or reserved the elevators for move-in…then wait for the delight to wash from their face, only to be replaced with dread in knowing the adulting laundry list that awaits them.
Faking it til you make it with your new apartment will leave you responsible for multiple mattresses, taking drunk Ubers back to your old apartment by accident, with no Plan B when you lose your keys, and your personal mail in someone else’s hands. I like to do this segment every year because there are a lot of you who roll the dice with how long you can go without electricity and whose banks still think you live in your college dorm. Hang neon beer maid signs with pride, have a designated flip cup table, act 18-years-old for all I care – let’s just make sure you properly receive your tax refunds.
^ me, in the middle of putting out a trash fire on a coop deal, getting a text from someone on their move-in day, “How do I set up my electricity?”
First off, if you think this rental market is bad, let’s quickly discuss what our predecessors dealt with. From the colonial days up until WW11, there was only one day during the entire year that anyone in the city could move – May 1, known as Moving Day. The city was utter pandemonium on that day, as the streets were full of cart-men, wagons drawn by horses, and people schlepping their belonging through whatever the weather happened to be. Schools closed on Moving Day and at its height, it has been estimated that one million people moved simultaneously on that single day. Just unadulterated chaos.
Back to the important stuff: if you’re purchasing or renting, the things you need to think about:
1. ConEd – Con Ed covers your cooking gas and electricity, which you and mostly everyone else in NYC is responsible for (as heat and hot water are more often than not included in your rent/maintenance). Go online and set up your service to begin on your lease start date so that your legal occupancy is covered.
2. Spectrum – Spectrum is most likely your internet and cable provider. Give them a ring if you chose to have one or both….or if you plan to go the Amish route, don’t call them. Every building in New York is wired for Spectrum; most are not set up for Verizon. For the chosen few who have Verizon, continue to gawk at us peasants and you can google “Verizon” yourself on your reliable connection.
3. United States Postal Service – If you’re currently living in the city and switching addresses, you’ll need to actually file for a change of address at the USPS so they can forward your mail from your previous home. It takes about 2 weeks for your mail to get actively forwarded so do this as soon as you can – it’s quite easy online. Also, they send you a BUNCH of actually useful (from a new home perspective) coupons; who doesn’t love a 20% off a Bed, Bath & Beyond that magically can’t expire?
4. The Department of Motor Vehicles – Ugh the DMV…just typing this gives me PTSD to the three times I failed my driving test. But beyond that. You should most likely change your license to reflect your new address because that is a responsible, adult thing to do. Your parents would be proud. They also give you a ton of killer coupons – who says the government isn’t watching out for us? But please ask me how many Lowe’s coupons I have in my wallet right now.
5. The Department of Sanitation – If you’re not planning to take any furniture or mattresses with you to your next home, you best believe you can incur a massive fine for just leaving those out on the sidewalk. Not only for city cleanliness, but everyone is terrified of sidewalk mattresses, mainly due to omnipresent and crippling fear of bed bugs. When you know your move out date, go on the Department of Sanitation website, file for what type and how many pieces of furniture you’ll be leaving on the sidewalk, and they’ll come the following morning so you don’t get hit with a penalty/ruin the lives of all the passerby.
6. On the note of how to dispose of a mattress…FYI you can get fined for improper disposal of a mattress, mainly because of that aforementioned citywide fear of bed bugs.
- Schedule a mattress pick up with the Department of Sanitation
- Buy one of these mattress bags on Amazon to seal up your mattress in before lugging it out to the sidewalk
7. Homeowner’s or Renter’s Insurance For renters, landlords won’t require renter’s insurance but they’ll strongly encourage that you get it. For owners, coops and condos will require it, as will the bank if you’re financing. Definitely look into different options – it’s all very affordable and usually protects much more than you think. Example, (well, dark example) if you ever get mugged like yours truly did, you’re covered!
8. What should you do with your unwanted belongings? While I know the thought of donating unused items is all good and dandy, the actual act of it unfortunately is kind of a complete pain when you live in the city and don’t have a car to transport bags of items easily. While there’s no getting around the inconvenience of it all, less fortunate individuals in the city could benefit from your bit of extra effort. Curbed put together a nice piece detailing where to donate furniture, electronics, books, and just about everything.
9. Other places your should be contacting that may legitimately want to know where you live
- Your bank/credit card agency
- The tax agencies
- Social security
- Your employer
- Loan providers
- Insurance providers (health, car, life, ect.)
- Any subscriptions you have
- All your online shopping sites you frequent (it’s surprisingly easy to place an order quickly and forget to update you address)
- Voter registration
- Any streaming services
- Mapping services and car services (you don’t want to have a few drinks and go to the wrong default for “home”)
- Doctors, dentists, lawyers, ect.
10. Make copies of your keys – and keep one at your office If you live alone, with a significant other, or with roommates, the most frustrating and powerless position is when you’ve lost your keys or locked yourself out of your apartment with the keys inside. If you have a super-in-the-building or doorman, life is a bit easier. However, if the super or landlord isn’t close by, this can turn into a long affair. I always keep a copy of my apartment keys somewhere hidden on my desk in my office so if god-forbid I get locked out, I know there’s another set that I can get without bothering anyone.
11. If you’re moving into a condo/coop or doorman building, email the managing agent or super intendant to reserve the elevators for your move-in date and time. While most walk up buildings let you move-in whenever you please, anything with an elevator will require that you sign up for a specific time window so that they can pad the elevator and reserve it for a few hours for your use only. Usually in bigger buildings weekend move-in’s are not allowed, so keep this in mind when you’re planning ahead.
12. Thredup – When you’re packing during your move, do you find yourself coming across articles of clothing that you haven’t worn in years but for some reason (probably a reflection of how much money you spend on it or the unrealistic “maybe I’ll need it for a [insert highly specific and rare instance]”) you just keep lugging it around. There isn’t an easy way to donate clothes and typically schlepping your things to a GoodWill during its 10-5pm business hours is impossible. Thredup is a fantastic service that sends you a prepaid bag for your clothing, you ship it to them, what they can resell they will and throw you a profit, what they can’t they’ll donate or repurpose. You aren’t going to make a fortune on this resale option but they make it so simple and hands off that it’s a no brainer way to give back without having to put in any effort.
Moving here for the first time? I’ve spent 8 years finding people I love – dentist, dermatologist, laser hair removal, cobbler, seamstress, general health doctor, women’s health doctor, etc. Having been premed, I now use my Bachelor’s of Science solely to diagnose myself with life-ending illnesses, so have in-turn accrued a rolodex of gifted professionals in every area of medicine who have successfully talked me off countless ledges. If you need a professional or service in any capacity, email me and I most likely have a tried-and-true name.