Because self-awareness is the first step to self-improvement
“She may think this is a water bottle” -my tequila bottles after the above occurs ^
“Has self control issues” -my fridge
“Can’t help but look down on her” -my ceiling
“Has never once turned me on” -my crockpot
“Always wants be on the bottom” -my weighted blanket
“Is a hoarder” -the space under my bed
“Lies” -my scale”
She’s always bringing us down” -my blinds
“Charmin’ as far as I know” -my toilet paper holder
“Decent in bed” -my sheets
“Is draining” -my bourbon bottles
“She’s hardly private” -my internet router
“Thank God we’re supporting her” -my bras
“Is obsessed with herself” -my mirror
“She’s very knotty” -my foam roller
“Isn’t doing herself any favors” -my old low rise jeans I can’t emotionally part with
“Likes to get lit” -my candles
“Is trying to cover things up” -my rug
“Trust me, I have dirt on her” -my laundry bag
“Zero discipline but great taste” -my wallet, in reference to the below:
Golden Diner‘s Chinatown Egg and Cheese Sando with scrambled eggs, American cheese, hash-brown patty, and sesame scallion milk bun
