No one wants to take responsibility for the fresh Hell that is the MTA. De Blasio and Cuomo keep volleying the burden without making progress, so how do we improve this lovely service that 5.7 million people use daily? I have some ideas.  Need to fund raise? Add a $5 Ticketmaster convenience fee to your MTA fare every time your train car is graced with a steel-drum rendition of Ginuwine’s “Pony”. Additional profits will go towards lining the train with foam panels to improve acoustics so you can truly enjoy studio-quality mariachi during your commute. You know the giant figureheads on the bow of pirate ships? Wouldn’t it be great if the next time as your face is getting blasted by the heavy, filth laden air of an approaching F train, you see a mounted woodcarving of an enormous dragon affixed to the front.

Just a few thoughts.

Being appreciative for a hot second, New York is pretty unique in that we have access to public transit 24/7, making it one of the world’s most extensive perpetually-running subway systems. The question most people don’t ask because…well…no one wants to know what is most likely a disturbingly real answer…if the trains never stop running, when do they get cleaned? Contradictory to what you may thing, 93% of subway cars are “clean,” based on official transit data; the 7 line was ranked the cleanest, with 99% of cars passing, while the Q was the dirtiest, with only 15% passing.  For routine cleaning at one of the city’s 24 rail yards, crews wear protective gear and use a bleach solution to disinfect those affected cars, giving a lighter cleaning daily and a deep cleaning every quarter. With hazardous and bodily waste, the MTA isolates cars; the real bio-hazards are actually lurking on the train tracks, where hopefully none of you will be wandering around.

Just so you know what’s our there….the Wall Street Journal came out with a crazy interactive piece, mapping the bacteria/diseases/infections/types of cheeses found at every station in NYC: