Sweet Onion Crack Dip: It’ll Be the Star of the Show, the First Dish to Be Finished, and Cost You Less Than $20
How every online blog post recipe starts:
“When I was a child, on cold winter nights, my mother would gather me and my 12 siblings around the hearth to teach us that the real food was love. My grueling pilgrimage to find the true essence of what it meant to “cook with passion” didn’t really begin until my years as a student at the juvenile reform school, which we’ll discuss now how I arrived to such a place in life…”
Everyone, two sentences in, screaming for the writer to get to the part about the food:
I’m busy and shamelessly culinarily challenged; however when it comes to anything merit based, I have a deep need for validation and refuse to knowingly underachieve. Here, you see, brings about quite the conundrum when it comes to potlucks.
My Aunt is a remarkable chef and a few years ago I needed a dish for a potluck I was attending where literally everyone else was a higher up at Bon Appetit; someone was going to make an 18-hour smoked pork shoulder and my kitchen accolades tapped out at eating an entire box of Puffins in one sitting. Knowing I’m a threat to myself and others in the kitchen, she sent this mind-numblingly simple recipe my way. Lo and behold, this devilish mish-mash of warm, fattening wonder stole the show and sent two dozen people, who had built their lives around their assured gastronomic acumen, into fractured despair.
My ego has yet to deflate since this undeserved victory.
Sweet Onion Crack Dip
because ignorance is bliss, don’t disclosure to anyone eating this dip what exactly is in it
2 cups Mayo, don’t be a wimp and use Greek Yogurt
2 cups Sweet Onions, I’d advise you to focus on the fact that this dip is 1/3 vegetable
2 cups whatever cheese you want, maybe a sexy Cheddar-Swiss mix?
A handful of artistic dashes of Hot Sauce
if you fail this, evolution has clearly failed us all
1. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees
2. Mix everything together, the beauty of this is that nothing needs to be exact
3. Cook ~30 minutes or until it’s bubbling and golden brown
4. Remove from the oven and soak in the fleeting moments of false confidence when people tell you that you’re an incredible chef. Please do not let this new-found self-assurance go to your head leading you to attempt a Beef Wellington topped with Béarnaise Sauce. Know your limits.