Five Styles of Smoked Salmon in Five Minutes
There are a few non-income-generating things in life I’m truly passionate about: the American Revolution, Running, Adventures, Breakfast, and (sub-breakfast) Smoked Salmon. If you’ve spent more than 20 minutes with me, the topic of Lox has most likely been heavily breeched. It’s so bad that my phone frequently autocorrects Liz to Lox (sadly I’m not kidding); this gets really uncomfortable when I send an email with the signature, “Best, Lox”.
According to the New York Times, during the Holidays Zabar’s will pay for the plane tickets and housing of their lox cutters, who they ship in from all over the world to cut salmon for their individual and cult-like followings (tell me where that major was at UChicago). People wait in line 2+ hours for their chosen smoked salmon surgeon and, without a question, will pay the price for such, at around $42 a pound. The joke’s on everyone because I get the same salmon – but faster and with a better flavor variety – for a third of the price. Three words: Frugal Fish Friday.
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Every Friday morning at 7:45am, Acme Smoked Fish Corporation opens its warehouse on 30 Gem Street in Brooklyn and allows the public to shop for five hours at outrageous prices – a ritual lovingly termed “Frugal Fish Friday”. The fish is the same top-quality product sold at a premium from Barney Greengrass, Russ and Daughters, Tompkins Square Bagels and Zabar’s itself. Instead of paying the $40-60 counter prices from such notorious deli’s, prices are slashed from $16-24 and your selection is widened to whitefish, sable, trout, bluefish, mackerel, herring and roe. Bonus: the employees give out generous samples of everything.
This is basically like the Willy Wonka of Smoked Salmon. And the true Irish Catholic Lox connoisseurs we are, my roommate Colleen and I schelp to Brooklyn frequently in a pre-work pilgrimage. This time, we decided to go and literally try every salmon they had for sale because it’s field research and I’m writing it off on my taxes. And here is our path to water retention…
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First off, we tried
Pastrami Lox, which is a ground pepper mixture with molasses, bay leaves, cayenne pepper, caraway, coriander, sweet paprika and usually ~7 more things. The sugar of the molasses definitely balances out the more tangy flavors and gives the salmon rich dimension.
How bloated am I:
My pants are cutting off circulation to my legs.
aSecond, we went with the quite popular Gravalax, which is subtly different than traditional lox. The basic seasoning includes salt, sugar and dill (lots and lots of dill). Every gravlax is a little different, but it usually includes one or all of the following: juniper berry, horseradish, pepper and aquavit.
How bloated am I:
Am I swollen because my body is angry or angry because my body is swollen…
Am I swollen because my body is angry or angry because my body is swollen…
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Third, we tried the Chicago Style lox, which is a sweet & spicy blend, definitely highlighted by a ton of brown sugar. For purists, this may not be your cup of tea, but if you inhaled pixie sticks as a child like yours truly, this is essentially candy salmon.
How bloated am I:
I am an alternate for a Blimp for the Macy’s Day parade
I am an alternate for a Blimp for the Macy’s Day parade
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Fourth, we moved onto the David Burke Lox, a peppery smoked salmon,
which was essentially a pastrami lox on steroids with whole sweet pepper corns and some extremely strong spices. Personally, not my favorite: the flavors overpowered the fish and I kept biting on whole peppers which is unpleasant.
How bloated am I:
God, I feel so sensual.
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Number five was their traditional Lemon Pepper lox, which was completely overwhelmed with lemon flavoring and the whole peppers didn’t infuse with fish but gave you the people’s elbow to the face when you chomped on one of those bad boys.
Personally, my least favorite. But I still finished my whole sample.
How bloated am I:
I wonder if I jab myself with a pen if some of this hell will drain out of me…
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For a surprise number six, we tried (and over purchased) Acme’s new addition to the line-up: Smoked Salmon Poké. Mixed with mango and avocado, this salad of the gods offers a generous ratio of thick cut cubes of smoked salmon to elevate this treat to a level of unattainable beauty. Never, ever skip this if they’re offering it.
How bloated am I:
This is a real like picture of me walking to work through Astor Place.
This is a real like picture of me walking to work through Astor Place.
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So here’s the thing…I’m going to smell like salmon for the rest of the day. I feel like the Under-the-Sea King Midas because literally everything I touch/eat/smell is essentially smoked salmon. I’ve washed my hands 8 times and nothing is helping. An unknowing coworker remarked, “Do you smell salmon?” when standing next to me. Yes, goddamnit, my skin is essentially a salmon flavored Brita Filter. But let’s not acknowledge the fact that my fingers have swelled to sausages even thought I’ve consumed 3 Powerade Zeros in the last hour. As reviews go, being the millennials we are, the Poké was pretty insane (and I ate most of it walking back to the L train), but from a pure salmon standpoint, Colleen threw a vote to Pastrami and I paid a homage to my college town with the Chicago Style.
Insert forest Gump Joke: You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, sauté it. There’s Pastrami lox, Lemon Pepper Lox, Chicago-style lox, Royal Belly Cut lox, gravalox, David Burke lox…
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!!! fun facts!!!
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1. Mature salmon will return to the stream of their birth with precise (within a couple of days) yearly cycles. These cycles vary from 2 years to 6 year, depending upon the salmon species.
2. Wild salmon are anadromous – which means they are born in fresh water, they migrate to salt water, and then they return to freshwater to spawn.
3. Salmon have an average of 2500 eggs, but can have up to 7000. They also can travel up to 3500 miles to spawn.
