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“Weird Things I’ve Found In New York City Apartments”

August 30, 2019 By LizLawton

Efficiency at its absolute finest.
@ somewhere in soho

The Working Title for My Memoir

My dad has four brothers – are all varying degrees of eccentric and have each done strange things to their homes. Like my father, who planted a massive palm tree in front of our house in Cape Cod and then tried to winterize it but instead made a 25-foot phallic structure. Or one if my uncles who had a full sized Jacuzzi installed smack dab in the middle of his kitchen. It’s irresponsible to classify anyone in my family as “normal” but compared to the rest of the public, we’re just the tip of the iceberg.

While my day-to-day finds pale in comparison to some of the ridiculous listing photos posted online and in random internet forums, I thought I may as well share some of my “…what the…” professional moments I have with all of you.

A remarkable collection of thirsty texts that silly, twenty-something manchildren sent some smart women in the East Village.
A prominently displayed gilded decorative dish of Michael Jackson holding a chimp.
An extremely interactive Michelangelo’s David light switch.
A 600 square foot one bedroom in Chinatown for sale for $900,000 that had zero pictures posted online – my client and I soon found out it was split up into 7 bedrooms, with a child’s bunk bed in each of them…so 14 people in 600 square feet.
A prominently displayed page from a script for an extremely confusing sex scene. 
A bathroom where everything was mirrored. Including the the entirety of the shower and bath tub. All those angles no one should have to see…
Someone asking for constant “Do the carpets match the drapes?” comments.

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