I am simply the messenger of this information.

Capricorn (Dec 22 – January 19) Characteristics: practical, serious, hard-working, reserved, selfish What you will be seen eating: scraping all the mini marshmallows off the top of the sweet potato casserole for yourself What you will be seeing doing: masterminding a self-beneficial buy-in for football betting so you can somehow monetize this wasted time	Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18) Characteristics: independent, idealistic, rebellious, very unconventional What you will be seen eating: questionable amounts of jellied cranberry sauce What you will be seeing doing: intensely discussing conspiracy theories with your Uncle who is a repeat Ponzi scheme artist
Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20) Characteristics: sympathetic, kind, emotional, impractical, secretive, timid What you will be seen eating: an entire trough of stuffing What you will be seeing doing: in a bedroom with a cousin discussing a grievance from 17 years ago while taking a pull from a bottle of Merlot	Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19) Characteristics: courageous, impulsive, intelligent, self-centered, aggressive What you will be seen eating: sucking on the end of a baster full of turkey juice What you will be seeing doing: serving a younger, more feeble family member with a people’s elbow and finishing move during a game of pick up football
Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20) Characteristics: steady, reliable, resourceful, very stubborn, a bad enemy What you will be seen eating: too much “cooking” chardonnay What you will be seeing doing: orchestrating the timing for when to cook all of the food with brute authoritative force, shamelessly belittling anyone in your path	Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Characteristics: versatile, communicative, generous, vague, inconsistent What you will be seen eating: the white tops off candy corn and leaving the stumps behind What you will be seeing doing: half-seriously trying to stick your head inside the inner cavity of the dead bird carcass in front of a group of small children
Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Characteristics: imaginative, calm, shrewd, home-loving, shy, self-pitying What you will be seen eating: picking the non-milky french fried onions off of the green bean casserole What you will be seeing doing: gossiping about family member A to family member B three-feet away from family member A	Leo (July 23 – Aug 22) Characteristics: powerful, confident, dignified, boastful, attention-seeking What you will be seen eating: whiskey neat and dark meat, solely for the aesthetic What you will be seeing doing: puppeteering a conversation that pits your two political polar opposite family members against each other then making a cocktail and watching WWIII unfold
Virgo (Aug 23 – Sept 22) Characteristics: thoughtful, modest, efficient, fussy, interfering What you will be seen eating: trying to find the corner piece of cornbread without touching all of the other pieces in the basket What you will be seeing doing: fastidiously arranging carrot sticks, broccoli, and other inedible vegetables in a fan shape on an expensive-looking cut glass	Libra (Sept 23 – Oct 22) Characteristics: easygoing, diplomatic, friendly, indecisive, lazy What you will be seen eating: your great-aunts jello-salad because no one is touching it and you see that she’s absolutely devastated about her blatant failure What you will be seeing doing: completely passed out cold on the couch
Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21) Characteristics: passionate, determined, secretive, jealous, brooding What you will be seen eating: making a volcano with gravy inside of a meticulously hollowed out pile of mashed potatoes What you will be seeing doing: before the turkey is served, sneaking dark meat into a plastic bag to hide in the fridge to hoard those special pieces for a sandwich tomorrow	Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21) Characteristics: optimistic, enthusiastic, tolerant, extravagant, restless What you will be seen eating: undoing the top of the salt shaker for a more liberal pour of salt, entirely aware of everyone else’s passing judgement What you will be seeing doing: subtly sneaking in through the back porch at 2pm after staying out partying with high school friends the night before

And for foods that you won’t see at your average Thanksgiving meal…if your family does serve any of these, please direct message me and let me know how I can gracefully marry into your family:

Nickel and Diner‘s Kale Cashew Grain Bowl with black beans, farro, quinoa, kale, avocado, roasted sweet potato purée, seasonal vegetables, and grilled salmon

Nomad Hotel‘s Bay Scallops marinated with yuzu and pistachios

Osakana‘s Chef’s Selection

Bar Beau‘s Shishito with kewpie, thai basil, and romesco

Bocce‘s Summer Melon with straciatella, crispy prosciutto, and lemon verbena

The Smile‘s Squash Risotto with carnaroli riso, pickled pumpkin, and Parmesan

Vic’s Baked Eggs with San Marzano tomato, ricotta, and calabrian chilies

Mizon‘s Baby Cauliflower…simple yet incredible