Dad: *doesn’t want cat*
Family: *gets cat anyway*
Dad and the cat:
Millennials do this strange thing where we post verbose and heartfelt tributes on social media deifying our parents on their respective parent celebration day even though 80% of them don’t have the platform they’re being paraded on. For the few who do, an alarming amount seem to have lost their passwords due their falling for a blatant phishing scam and the rest have no idea how to maneuver their way out of the landing page. Like infants with newly gained consciousness of the fact that they control their limbs, our parents – whose prior social experience on the internet was stunted at the innocence of email forwards – quickly find themselves in a faux pas minefield with every share, like, comment, and search. Since my dad shouldn’t be encouraged to open his instagram for fear of novice hackers being granted another easy lay up for identify theft of a wide-eyed and well-intentioned sitting duck Boomer, he’ll have to settle for being roasted at the end of my newsletter. Besides, he already has a passionately used John Deere lawn mower and a cache of Brookstone portable electronics he purchased in the 90s, what else could a man want?