Julia, George and @mitchpleaseeee

In this new trial-section, I force myself into homes of friends I worked with and I ask them pointless questions (hence “trial”, we’re seeing how messy this gets). For the inaugural test case, we’re traveling to 85th and Central Park West to America’s favorite couple since Titanic’s Jack and Rose. Julia and George live with their dog,@mitchpleaseeee, in a lofty one bedroom nestled in lovely townhouse on one of the premiere streets on the Upper West Side. Their home boasts a sunken living room, wood burning fireplace, exposed brick, southern exposure, high ceilings and a private balcony. The one amenity that could not be listed on any REBNY sites, due to Fair Housing Act and basic human privacy rights, is that their balcony and bedroom overlooks Law & Order: SVU star, Olivia Benson’s $10.7 million dollar home. So after buttering them up with hummus, I got to bother them:

___________

1. Pick a Reality TV show would you be on:

J: A mix of Hell’s Kitchen, Bachelor in Paradise, Dancing with the Stars, and American Idol…I sing, George dances, cooking is hard and this is paradise

2. Who’s the hunter and who’s the gather?

After deliberation, as George wanted both titles and Julia also wanted two, George is the Hunter/Gatherer and Julia is the Matriarch/Dictator

3. You’re a new addition to a crayon box. What color are you and why?

J: George is shaped like a crayon and I would like to be “Red”

4. Favorite thing abut your apartment?

J & G: So definitely the porch (which has many vegetables growing on it), and our fireplace, and that we once saw Olivia Benson in a bathrobe from our porch

5. Justin Bieber or One Direction?

J: Justin Bieber

G: We’re a Bieber household

6. When you were 6 years old what did you want to be when you grew up?

J: An NBA player. Just clarifying, not a WNBA player, but an NBA player.

G: A garbage man, you get to hang off the back of a truck

J: George, you should pursuit that, they have great benefits

7. You have been given an elephant. You can’t sell it or give it away. What do you do with it?

G: I would take it to central Park, to the Great Hills around 110th, and release it. It would become an unspoken thing that animal control doesn’t take care of and they just let the elephant live…no one talks about it, everyone just peacefully coexists, it would literally be an Elephant in the Park. (GET IT)

8. How did you find out Santa Claus wasn’t real?

J&G simultaneously: He’s not real…

Favorite neighborhood spot?

J: Osteria Cotta is on our corner, they let us bring Mitch and the cheese platter is out of control – make sure to go to he secret upstairs part. Other favorite is Central Park, where Julia hunts and gathers her thoughts and Pokemon.

10. What’s one thing that’s missing from your apartment? (expecting dishwasher, laundry in unit, personal masseuse)

G: Chairs to our dining table

11. You’re at Olive Garden: What are you ordering?

G: How did we end up at Olive Garden? Are we in Times Square?

12. How often do you watch Olivia Benson?

J: 30 minutes a week, we watch her with Binoculars. Kidding…well, she always has catered parties, one time I saw her walk outside in a bathrobe and almost called for George but then thought, “Let me just enjoy this.”

13. What would I find in your fridge?

J&G: Pickles, three jars of Yingling, a bunch of Tofu, this month we have a rule whenever you open the fridge you have to throw something out

14. Would you rather have a dragon or be a dragon?

G: Definitely be a dragon, owning one is too messy and there are obedience issues with owning a dragon. Just let me fly and breathe fire.

^Keeping vigil over Olivia Benson

_______

If you have rented or purchased from me and would like for me to invade your home with the likes of a kiddie pool of guacamole, maybe some tequila and a promise to wash your dishes in exchange for a lot of people to see into your personal life, drop me a line and I’m there.