Likes: Paddle-boarders, Inflatable Swans and Chubbies
I missed my calling with the CIA, as I am extremely confident in my stalking skills. Unfortunately some days my powers prove to be too mighty, as I open Instagram and two hours later I’m looking at some guy’s, ex girlfriend’s, sister’s, boyfriend’s older brother’s pictures from his trip to Barcelona. My real strengths lie in finding someone’s zodiac sign and approx. height – normal things. However there are more useful things to stalk, like very large, deadly fish who are looking to spice up Chelsea’s really cute boomerang of her “just doing something random” while on a stand-up paddle-board. And just when she though the worst thing that could go viral about her was an STD.
As we discussed last year extensively, there is one wonderful Great White Shark (along with a whole host of others), Mary Lee, who you can stalk from afar…just like that guy on Bumble who still hasn’t responded to your paragraph describing your dietary restrictions. She’s currently wadding off the shores of Long Beach, waiting to prey on a Chad or a Tucker (*feminists everywhere rejoice*) but is moving full steam ahead to the Hampton’s for a Fourth of July feast on the fine fraternal gentlemen of the world who disservice the brilliant work of our Founding Fathers by wearing The RompHim™. You go, Mary Lee, YOU GO.
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I mainly bring up this shark annually so I can share the following video, which is the crowning pride of all of those from Boston, that being the one time two local Boston Bros struggled identifying a sunfish:
