Manhattan’s Best Kept Secret

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A Lower East Side Doomsday Shelter With Every Candy You Could Possibly Think Of Everyone has an outlandish fear that follows them from childhood throughout life. I suffer from a crippling spider phobia, which recently resulted in me trapping a spider in my dust buster, duct taping all possible openings on the machine, and leaving it in my … [Read more...]

What’s Rick Lawton been up to?

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Neglecting a grocery list and buying what he has deemed as necessities ^ he was sent to get "beach snacks for the afternoon" and comes home with two boxes of pre-cooked bacon and a quarter pound of roasted garlic marinated in olive oil … [Read more...]

Your Mother, who wants grandchildren, on the phone with you before a date or You Spin Instructor:

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1. "Can you feel the sweat?" 2. "Please leave all your worries, insecurities, traumas, and negativities outside...please." 3. "If you have to puke, then puke. But keep going.'" 4. "SHOULDERS DOWN AND BACK. CHEST OUT."5. "Brace like you're about to get punched in the stomach." 6. "Feel your heart pumping! THAT'S THE GOOD … [Read more...]

I’ll Take Your Strange Family Vacation & Raise You

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48 hours, three historical sights, and a dozen birds of prey This past April, my parents gave me the reins and complete autonomy to plan a 48-hour trip somewhere on the east coast to do in lieu of Easter...*everyone in the audience is thinking, "they should've known better"*. I'm sure while they had no idea what was coming, they probably … [Read more...]