1. Why did I sign up for this? 2. Wait, how much is this costing me? 3. Jesus Christ, did Jimmy twist his ankle again? Walk it off, you baby. 4. If you don't get dressed right now, I swear to God... 5. If I just leave them where they are and never look back, I feel like odds are they'll turn out at least mediocre. 6. They're literally all over … [Read more...]

You quite literally could not pay me enough. So I went to the Apple Store recently to get my computer fixed. No sooner do I take my seat the Genius Bar than does my technician show up - he's a spitting image of Hagrid from Harry Potter, down to height, facial hair, gait, and demeanor. I pump the breaks on asking him to say, "Yer a Wizard, … [Read more...]

Five ways to summon your witchy side in NYC I've been known to give unlicensed and unsolicited astrology advice. If your birthday doesn't naturally come up within the first 30 minutes of chatting, usually I'll go straight for the guttural and ask. "Oh...you're a Scorpio" Eyes widen, eyebrows raise, conversation immediately changes. Everyone is … [Read more...]

The Autumn Garbage Disposal of this Newsletter Just when I thought I couldn't reach a deeper Google wormhole than the night I unintentionally found myself trying to solve the Joan Benoit Ramsey case...I dedicated an entire newsletter solely to October. Steven King has nothing on my last month's repertoire of grizzly stories behind haunted … [Read more...]

Livers all over the city, exhausted from filtering solely whiskey and iced coffee, rejoice! There are few things no one gives us heads up about as we age: a Acne doesn't go away when you're done with puberty - it takes on a vilified adult form and haunts your very existence. Stress, hormones, and the slightest temperature change send skin … [Read more...]