Dad: *doesn't want cat* Family: *gets cat anyway* Dad and the cat: Millennials do this strange thing where we post verbose and heartfelt tributes on social media deifying our parents on their respective parent celebration day even though 80% of them don't have the platform they're being paraded on. For the few who do, an alarming amount … [Read more...]

The Inevitable Section About Local Birds When first dating someone, there are some questions you should ask to help gage compatibility and also vet who you're dealing with as a person. There are fairly innocuous ones, like are you an early bird or night owl. And then of course, you have the deep cuts, like do you want a family, do you believe … [Read more...]

A Cornucopia of Obscure Facts for Awkward Silences Seeing my life is presently still in the "martinis and gowns" phase, I cannot speak to the avenues adults are utilizing to subconsciously seep questionably useful knowledge into the minds of the youths. I implore you to time travel back to Ye Olden early 1990s, humanity's final moments before … [Read more...]

Making Sense of Why I Felt the Need to Purchase 90% of the Things in My Apartment Like water to oil, there is nothing more immiscible to dads than impractical purchases. It's both the hill they refuse to get down from and their fatal kryptonite. Pitching the necessity of a designer handbag to a man who can fit his entire life into a pocket is … [Read more...]

The Absolute Lawlessness of the 1800s in NYC My friends, dates, clients, people who find themselves this deep into my newsletter, laser hair removal technicians, really anyone who has spent more than 5 minutes with me knows that I have a passion for American History. I could handle this normally, digesting it quietly then going about my … [Read more...]