Yolks >> Folks ^Breakfast is like a pregame for the day Good Thanks' Avocado Toast with lemon, smoked sea salt, ground pepper, and microgreens on sourdough … [Read more...]
Kids Shouldn’t Be Allowed To Get Their License Until They’ve Beat Rainbow Road in Mario Kart
Would've saved my parents a lot in insurance premium increases ^Every shooting star you see at night is a racer falling off Rainbow Road Fortnite concerns me as an adult woman with no children who just so happens to follow a lot of NBA players and rappers that I know are playing. Judging by the fact that you would think I bet the mortgage to … [Read more...]
“I’m going to ‘X’ neighborhood, what should I do?”
Say hello to your tour guide...Jesus, take the wheel. If you know me well, you know my text response time is absolutely horrible. I get a lot of things like "Who should I call if my light bulb went out", "I lost my keys", and "(many expletives) I FOUND A COCKROACH (more expletives)", to which I attempt to swallow all sarcasm before letting my … [Read more...]
Avocado Usage of the Month
Sometimes you have to cross your own line to still know you have one ^extraordinarily difficult to eat with any utensil 1 part avocado, 1 part lobster salad, unlimited amounts of pretension … [Read more...]
Things I Learned after Playing Oregon Trail while Drinking Bourbon
I now realize why I knew what cholera was at the age of 6 oh god, what have I done... I've been a bit swamped this month so since I have 9 hours to finish this newsletter, we're going to have some Blanton's, play Oregon Trail online, and reflect. a First and foremost, I made Tupac my Wagon Leader - in my alternative reality, he's still … [Read more...]
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